Conservatives’ Unexpected Advice on Love and Marriage

8 min readFeb 13, 2016

You’ve heard the old saying about not having a heart if you’re a conservative when you’re young. The truth is conservatives do have heart, even when it comes to romance. Here is some of the best advice from my favorite conservatives on how to find and keep a partner.

Ann Coulter

Boys in Washington don’t know how to ask for a date. What they do is try to trick you into asking them for a date. They say, “I know you’re really busy, so call me when you’d like to go out to dinner” or “Call me when you’re back in Washington” or, my favorite, “Are we ever going to get together?” What are you supposed to say to such completely insane things? I’ve never figured that out, which is why these conversations tend to end in hostile silences.
“Call me when you’d like to go out for dinner” isn’t asking for a date; it’s asking me to ask you for a date. For male readers in Washington, asking for a date entails these indispensable components: an express request for a female’s company on a particular date for a specific activity.

The above passage came from an article Ann Coulter wrote in George Magazine. She is still right about the dating scene in DC. Often you’ll get asked if you’re going to this or that happy hour rather than commitment to a one-on-one interaction. The happy hour e-mail is simply a transfer of anxiety. Leave it to the men of Washington D.C. to shirk their duties. Take Ann Coulter’s advice and make the call and ask the girl for a date at a specific time and place. Not a group date. Not a work event. A real date with just the two of you. If a man can muster up the courage to ask a girl out on a real date then he’s already head and shoulders above the beta males girls meet at the average happy hour.

Donald Trump

On the New York club scene:

I met a lot of beautiful young single women, and I went out almost every night. Actually, I never got involved with any of them very seriously. These were beautiful women, but many of them couldn’t carry on a normal conversation. Some were vain, some were crazy, some were wild, and many of them were phonies. For example, I quickly found out that I couldn’t take these girls back to my apartment, because by their standards, what I had was a disaster, and in their world appearances were everything.

On mixing marriage and work:

My big mistake with Ivana was taking her out of the role of wife and allowing her to run one of my casinos in Atlantic City, then the Plaza Hotel. The problem was, work was all she wanted to talk about. When I got home at night, rather than talking about the softer subjects of life, she wanted to tell me how well the Plaza was doing, or what a great day the casino had. I really appreciated all her efforts, but it was just too much. . . I will never again give a wife responsibility within my business. Ivana worked very hard, and I appreciated the effort, but I soon began to realize that I was married to a businessperson rather than a wife.

Put aside your feelings on whether Donald Trump is a conservative for a moment. One thing he definitely isn’t is a beta male. What I like about these quotes is that they include advice for women. Too often every negative aspect of modern dating or marriage is what men need to do to improve themselves. Women need to accept responsibility for their part. It was a powerful lesson I learned when writing my book, Finding Mr. Righteous.

Suzanne Venker

The pressure to be a good girl was what feminists in the 1960s billed as oppressive, but today the reverse is true. It’s oppressive for women to feel the have to be “bad” to fit in — it takes away their dignity, resulting in powerlessness. “Could it be that badness requires more suppression of individual preferences than goodness ever did? The point of delaying gratification was precisely to preserve your individuality, preferences, and goals — and your long term happiness.”

In Suzanne Venker’s The Flipside of Feminism she correctly identifies feminism as the source of women’s dissatisfaction with dating. It’s also why many men have checked out of dating altogether.

Gavin McInnes

So I started an experiment. It’s called #NoWanks and it involves no porn or masturbation more than once every 30 days. Comedian Dante Nero and I set out on this voyage a couple of weeks ago and we’ve both noticed a huge improvement in our lives already. I can’t repeat the things he’s been texting me, but suffice it to say he has been ravaging his girlfriend in ways never before imagined. I’ll spare you the details about my marriage, but let’s just say our bond is much stronger than it was before the experiment. I’ve also been receiving letters from viewers who have come aboard. They report feeling more confident and in control. One said,
…wow did it make me see my wife in a different light. I lust after her constantly now without any awkwardness, and in a way that she responds to. It’s like a weird Don Juan thing, where I can make her blush and swoon like I’m some amazing seducer (which I know I’m not).
I wish there were data on how many relationships have been ruined by pornography. How many relationships haven’t even begun because of it?

Oh, Gavin. This is why he’s a political punk. His delivery might be shocking to some on the right, but he’s even more shocking to the coddled left.

Greg Gutfeld

Saying “I don’t know” creates a wonderful bridge to other people. Admitting that you’re not entirely 100 percent positive that you’re right allows opponents to relax enough that you can pounce — and beat the crap out of them with facts, logic, common sense, and maybe some nunchuks. But first you must let them trust you by admitting uncertainty. Remember, your job isn’t to confirm but to convert. And conversion requires some humble pie up front. (By the way, this works in marriage. It’s also why it took until I was 40 for someone to marry me.)

Greg Gutfeld has become one of my favorite writers. One of the best compliments one writer can give another is “I wish I had written that.” I feel that way every time I read his latest book or column, or see him do a monologue on “The Five” or “The Greg Gutfeld Show.” Embracing “I don’t know” isn’t a sign of weakness, but of strength and respect. Building trust with a potential spouse is like gaining political converts. If the other person thinks you’re not committed to building a real relationship or conversation they’ll be less likely to take the journey with you.

Matt Walsh

We commonly view living together as a logical step before marriage, but it isn’t. It’s something some people do, but it isn’t a step to marriage. Your marriage is defined by the commitment you make to the other person — not by the bathroom or mortgage you share. Living with someone is not a “warm up” for marriage or a “try out” period, precisely because it lacks the essential, definitive characteristic of that permanent commitment. You can’t comfortably transition into an eternal vow. You make it, and then it’s made.
Period.
The absolute worst thing that I often hear in defense of the “marriage tryout” strategy is this: “I need to find out if she/he has any annoying habits.”
Answer: yes. Yes, she does. So does he. But if a bad habit or an annoying tendency could be a deal breaker, then well, you aren’t ready.

There have been numerous studies about whether living with the person you’re in a relationship with is a good idea. Matt Walsh admits in the piece quoted above that he wasn’t ready for marriage. Often women are so obsessed with moving to the next level (keeping up with Miss, soon to be Mrs., Jones) that we add levels and milestones to feel like we’re progressing in a relationship that maybe should have ended.

Jim Geraghty and Cam Edwards

It’s trite but true that no one, on his deathbed, ever wished he spent more time at the office. I have yet to ever hear a dad say, “You know that time we went out and kicked the soccer ball around in the yard was an absolute waste of time. We go nothing done, and Junior still can’t bend it like Beckham.” Yes, kids ask a lot of you — time, energy, sacrifice, patience, care — but ultimately, they’re the ones who deserve it most. I know an overworked, quite successful lawyer who became a full-time mom because she got tired of working to the point of exhaustion for obnoxious, ingrate clients. If you’re going to be exhausted, be exhausted for the ones who matter most.

I never thought I would be excited to be quoted in a book called Heavy Lifting, but in Jim and Cam’s book it was an honor. There’s lots of “manly” advice in their book, but the passage above is particularly important. Think about how different a one-hour commute to work is compared to a one-hour drive to see the one you love.

Ronald Reagan

Any man can find a twerp here and there who will go along with cheating, and it doesn’t take all that much manhood. It does take quite a man to remain attractive and to be loved by a woman who has heard him snore, seen him unshaven, tended him while he was sick and washed his dirty underwear. Do that and keep her still feeling a warm glow and you will know some very beautiful music. If you truly love a girl, you shouldn’t ever want her to feel, when she sees you greet a secretary or a girl you both know, that humiliation of wondering if she was someone who caused you to be late coming home, nor should you want any other woman to be able to meet your wife and know she was smiling behind her eyes as she looked at her, the woman you love, remembering this was the woman you rejected even momentarily for her favors.
Mike, you know better than many what an unhappy home is and what it can do to others. Now you have a chance to make it come out the way it should. There is no greater happiness for a man than approaching a door at the end of a day knowing someone on the other side of that door is waiting for the sound of his footsteps.
Love,
Dad
P.S. You’ll never get in trouble if you say “I love you” at least once a day.

In this letter to his son Mike, President Reagan reveals what it means to be husband and wife. It is passion, respect, every day tasks that are anything but romantic, and the anticipation of being back together at the end of the day.